Trust

I never had a problem trusting people. Probably because I always thought that I was a good judge of character. When you get to know a person you understand their positive and negative traits, in relation to your own self. As you grow, too, you understand that people put themselves first. They may not do so deliberately; many times selfish acts are done involuntarily. Even murders have degrees.

But when trusting someone becomes imperative – when you fall in love for example – it takes a certain amount of time and understanding. But when do you stop trusting? When you stop loving, I suppose. Love is blind. Shakespeare understood this, and he wasn’t only talking about subjective beauty. He was talking about how emotions alter our perspective of people.

Maybe that is why I have always been very cautious of falling in love. I have taken time to understand a person before I commit. Over the years though, I have also understood another thing. People don’t show you all the facets of their personality – all at once. They unfold. Like blooming flowers. It takes time to understand another person. In the interim, then love evolves too.

If you just love a person, you may not understand the growth. You understand the different facets, only when you are attuned to the idea of development. You have not seen the person in his or her or their entirety. Circumstances change. The personality reacts to the circumstance it falls into. Therefore, you must understand this. You have not been in all circumstances; therefore you will not see all the facets of their personalities – at least not until the circumstance happens.

Ergo, your love can grow, too. The love I have for a man stays constant in the circumstances I have seen him in. In newer or older circumstances, I may not like certain traits. In a minute example, I could say, I love him for the way he has always held me at night. In time, the holding remains a constant, and so my love stabilizes. In a new circumstance, I may have to get used to the idea that he is prejudiced against people with coloured eyes. It will be an idea that I have to get used to. In another new circumstance, I will love him for standing up to his family when it is required. Love can grow and it can take a pause. But if it starts diminishing, then that is a problem.

It is the same with trust. Love can exist without trust. Yes. But it is difficult to keep loving with pain. When you are in pain all the time, it is difficult for love to keep finding a foot hold. Then like physical pain, one needs a pain killer – and that becomes dangerous for a love relationship.